I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
