Just fell off a train. Bad.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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