The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
