that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
