this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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