And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
