Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
