Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize