There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
