FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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