I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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