I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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