No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
