She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
