I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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