I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize