it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
