Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
