My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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