So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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