I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize