All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
