dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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