Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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