another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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