So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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