So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
