Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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