We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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