the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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