I'm gonna have a badass scar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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