Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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