like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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