we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
