Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
