Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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