i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize