Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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