So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
