I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
