i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
