Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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