We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just sucked dick on a ferry