I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet