Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
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the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages