I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....