Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just pee around me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
