what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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