hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
