in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
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I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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