After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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