apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
