Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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