Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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