YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
there is glitter all over my balls
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