My liver just broke up with me...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
