I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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