Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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