I want to stick my p in your. b.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
