just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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