There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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